I often get asked for book recommendations on the topic of grieving. I’m normally a book-addict but I found myself unable to read for the first 6 months after Juggernaut died – I just didn’t have the concentration span or will. Once I started reading again though, to be honest, I found that really great books on grieving are hard to find – partly because I seem to have a fairly unconventional approach to grief and partly because this market is dominated by authors who are pushing a religious agenda, which for me rules the book out as a “great book.” I’ll admit that I’m also fairly allergic to the covers that have stately calligraphic titles in gold print or pictures of doves, clouds, rainbows or flowers on them, which rules out a lot of books on grieving!
So without further ado, here are the books I recommend – 6 of which I enjoy so much that we’ve added them to our Creative Grief Coaching Certification program prescribed reading list.
The Other Side of Sadness by Dr George Bonanno
Dr Bonanno’s research shows that there isn’t really a staged or predictable sequential process that we go through when we’re grieving – people’s experiences of grief vary very widely. He dispells the myths of “grief-work”, “closure” and “delayed grief,” and explores the value of various methods for facilitating an experience of ongoing connection even after biological death. He also provides an excellent chapter about how our emotions work. I enjoyed this book because it does a great job of dispelling many common myths about how we grieve and what we need when we’re grieving, and supports the liberating and affirming core beliefs and approaches that I resonate with. |
Finding Your Own North Star By Dr Martha Beck
This book is the reason I decided to take Martha’s Coach Certification course and my personal copy is doggy-eared, and full of notes and underlined and highlighted sections. |
I Thought It Was Just Me by Dr Brene Brown
Dr Brown’s work is all about the impact of shame, and what we can do to become what she calls “shame resilient,” where we’re able to quickly identify and dissolve shame triggers. There are so many shame triggers in loss events and our experiences of grief and the way that other people respond to our loss events and experiences of grief. Shame adds stress and suffering to grief and separates us from each other, which disconnects us from the valuable transformational and supportive power of connection and community. When we know our shame triggers and can dissolve shame experiences, then we’re always able to know what we need in our grieving journey and we can clearly communicate what we need, which enriches our relationships, giving us access to the transformational power of community. |
The Dance Of Anger By Dr Harriet Lerner
Most approaches to supporting people who are bereaved are focused on the individual, but I believe that connection and community are incredibly important for healing and transformation, so our Creative Grief Coaching model hopes to train grief coaches who have a deep appreciation for the importance of relationship and connection and who are really at their core “relationship coaches” who will help their clients to handle difficult relationships with clarity and love, and discover and nurture connection in their family and community. Dr Lerner is a highly experienced family and relationship therapist and the author of a dozen books about relationships, intimacy and connection, and has just released a new book, Marriage Rules, about nurturing and improving intimacy with your significant other or spouse, so we’re beyond-thrilled that she’s going to be contributing to our Creative Grief Coaching Certification program for the module on grief, friends and family. |
Re-Membering Lives by Dr Lorraine Hedtke
We’ll be teaching our Creative Grief Coaching Certification participants about the power of remembering and ongoing connection, and the importance of grieving in community, and we’ll be showing them how to facilitate “remembering conversations.” We’re incredibly happy to have Dr Hedtke joining us to help our participants learn her process (and we can’t wait to pick up her new book about the “how to” of remembering conversations, which is coming out in March 2012!) |
Healing Through The Dark Emotions by Miriam Greenspan
Greenspan’s book is a wonderful resource that demonstrates the usefulness of all of our emotions – even the really scary or painful ones. Where many people want to focus on “removing” or “overcoming” painful emotions, Greenspan shows how, when we choose to rather fully look at, allow, embrace, and own our emotions, we get access to their positive purpose, we transform our experience of them, and we access our own truth and creative power. She provides wonderful practical and creative tools for doing this and we know our Creative Grief Coaches will return to this perspective-shifting resource again and again. |
Effortless Evolution by Jamie Smart
Smart is an incredibly elegant, creative and skilled teacher, with a rich understanding and practice in strengths-based change-work, so we’re really pleased that he will be joining us to share more about his approach and philosophies. |
Curious? by Dr Todd Kashdan
This rigorously-researched book will show you how curiosity can dramatically transform your relationships, your work, your self-esteem and how you feel about your life. Dr Kashdan also shares really practical exercises to help you to develop your curiosity. |
Which books have you found most useful in your grieving journey?
Would you like guidance to explore and heal your grief?
I’ve put together a 35-page grief “workbook” for you; an introduction to Remembering For Good and living wholeheartedly after loss. Learn more about the Remembering For Good grief workbook.
The first book in the QUESTIONS + ART AFTER LOSS series, Untangle Your Grief is a beautiful 65-page book of artful questions and creativity-sparking art prompts to help you to create meaning, belonging, and hope after loss.
Hi Cath.
Two books I’ve found personally very helpful are Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser and Awakening from Grief by John E. Welshons. I also lost my only child, our son Narottama, when I was 5 months pregnant in 2008. Your story and your message resonate so deeply. thank you.
@Rupa Hi Rupa, Thank you for adding those titles. I’ve had Elizabeth Lesser’s book recommended by a few people, so it’s time I looked out for it, hey!? I’ll look out for the other one too. Big love to you, Narottama and the rest of your family. Thank you for reading.